Monday, February 26, 2007

No whiskers on kittens or warm woolen mittens here

I need a good gripe.
  • About a decade ago, during the dark Luddite ages before I owned a proper ice cream maker, I once made granita. I think it was coffee granita. Every few hours I opened up the freezer, took out the baking pan and scraped away at the layers of ice. Shoveling the walk yesterday was just like that, except on a grand, aerobic scale. Under the wet dog pee slushie, the ice had ice. There were only a couple inches, but it was damn heavy. Stupid snow.
  • People are crappy drivers in the snow. I have adopted Tony's advice of what to do when another car is coming the opposite way down a narrow street. I swing over into their lane heading straight at them, forcing them to move their frigging SUV over. It works. And I like to see the terrified looks on their faces, "Oh my God, I'm going to hit the Camry if I don't actually learn how to control this gas guzzling behemoth." Stupid SUV drivers.
  • I can't wait until the damn municipal election is over. Everyday we average 3 phone calls and 6 pieces of literature. Stupid aldermen.
  • Couldn't they just have given Scorsese a lifetime achievement award, rather than naming The Departed the best picture of the year? At least it's better than much of the winning crap in recent years. (Crash, Chicago [yeah, I love a dance musical where you can't see any of the actors dance -- oh wait, that's because they can't dance], Titanic, Forrest Gump, suck suck suck.) The divine Helen Mirren and Forrest Whitaker are 2 of my favorite actors, so there was happiness there. The Oscars are mostly an excuse to order from Pizza Bubamara (no one makes a pizza like the Bosnians), pick up a tart from Bittersweet, hang out and get tipsy on champers. I even had a wee hang-over this morning. Stupid Oscars.
  • I make fun of the goyim for having Christmas decorations out before Thanksgiving. Can we make a new rule? No Passover shit in the stores until after Purim. The Jewel on Howard has already converted an aisle into Kosher for Passover. Bloody hell, I haven't even made my hamentashen yet. Stupid Passover. Stupid greedy mashgiach mafia.
  • Theo is moaning right now as he tries to hump Cherubino. With his mouth on Cheru's neck, his castrated nether regions only reach midway down Cheru's back. Stupid orange tabby.
I feel so much better now.

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