Push and shove

Saturday, Yelena had her first experience as a victim of senseless violence. She was pushed by a 16 month old for no reason other than her mere existence. It was also the first time I ever saw her look angry. Puzzled, startled, scared, even disgust, I've seen, but this was a mixture of all four with a narrowing of the eyes and a modicum of fury.

I was borrowing books from a rabbi (who will go nameless, since it would be vindictive if someone Googled him and read my opinion of his lax parenting skills). We were perusing the shelves, so I put Yelena down in the middle of his office, offered her a toy car and a baseball to play with and she was quite content. Rabbi's toddler grew rapidly bored with yanking sacred texts off the shelves and throwing them aggressively to the ground and toddled over to Yelena. I was keeping the corner of my eye on them (Rabbi wasn't). Other babies and toddlers have been clumsy around her, usually out of interest or even affection, so I thought best not to leave them totally unattended. No other child had ever been mean, though.

We adults were talking when I witnessed toddler hellion suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, push Yelena in the middle of her face: once, twice. Yelena almost lost her balance but caught it and her dark eyes flashed anger. Instinctively, I used my deep-reprimand-the-cats-voice and yelled, "No! Back off! Leave her alone!" I said to Rabbi, "Oh, sorry I yelled at your kid, but Yelena's never been pushed before." He very half-heartedly told his kid to come here and not push. As I picked up Yelena, I asked if his son was a pusher. No, he was usually being pushed around by his three older sisters. I guess he found someone smaller than him to shove around. Bully.

I am still upset by this, because Rabbi didn't offer much in the way of an apology. Maybe he is used to Baby Lord of the Flies, but I'm not and don't really find it acceptable. I'm sure things like this will continue to happen as my daughter gets older -- sometimes in the presence of helpful adults, sometime neglectful adults, sometimes by herself -- but I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon or for another adult to be so blasse about it. It's not that I expected any major action -- the kid is only 16 months, afterall -- but something more than a half-assed rebuke and a quarter-assed apology. Call me over-protective, but I don't think 1 year is old enough to have to start dealing with bullying.

This was also surprising as I typically find parents very watchful and conscientious. In class or playgroup other kids have tried to use her as architecture to pull up on or have been a little too eager in their explorations of her hair or face, but their parents have always intervened or cautioned, "Gentle."

In much cuter interactions, last week in playgroup there was a new 14 month old towhead whose parents are from Germany. He kept toddling up to Yelena, crouching down and giving her really sweet gentle hugs, even snuggling his head on her. Ah, the irony that our little Jewish girl gets cuddled by the German boy and beaten up by the rabbi's kid.